Whats Wrong With RPK?

Hari Raya 2008...from the lalat's eyes''

This year did not bring any great, fantastic super duper meaning to the likes of me and my forty something year old friends who are celebrating Raya... It has been like this for more than 2 decades now..20 years man!! Wow ' apa sudah jadi? What happened man? How did we get to this? The whole Raya mood is sullen...almost cold yes...and its not just the Raya, I believe the same can very much be said about Kong Hee Fatt Choy and Deepavalli.

What I mean to say is.. if you are a malay celebrating Raya or a chinese immigrant celebrating Fatt Choy or an indian celebrating Deepavalli or the ''lain-lain'' celebrating Christmas and whatnots....then all's well and dandy yes?...festive songs are a blaring, you are whistling tunes of festivity while cleaning up the house or repainting it and of course hanging up decorations in the form of plastic lit ketupat's, mandarin oranges, peacock shaped green leaves and fake snow....and all over Malaysia the likes of your demography in general will be going through the same routine as you yes?

Well ... thats just it !! Only a particular race would be getting all excited and jiggy yes? .. .. anticipating the arrival of "that special day" wont they?...All the other races or religions punya orang will just ho hum the whole excitement...Well I guess honestly...the extra public holiday is very welcomed...But you just dont share the happiness and the joys of your fellow Malaysian celebrating their joyous occasion dont you? Or at least not anymore you dont'. Why not ah?

Probably, you were like me yes?..Tons of friends of all races....shopping for new clothes irregardless of the occasion..getting as excited as a monkey knowing that Raya, Fatt Choy, Deepavalli or Christmas is beckoning. 2 decades ago or slightly more yes?..thats approximately how long it has been since I've felt the suasana ber-raya, it really dont matter whose raya it is cos we just didnt care!!... ..the whole rumah terbuka and ' the inviting other races to your rumah terbuka didnt have to be prompted nor coerced..we just did it because WE DIDNT CARE!..we didnt care who the raya belonged to...we didnt care who the fatt choy belonged to..or the deepavalli and the christmas etc...WE DIDNT CARE BECAUSE WE WERE MALAYSIANS!!

You see people of all races thronging rumah terbuka's on TV dont you? From the Badawi's to the Samy Velloo's right up to the Ong Ka Ting's, and on this coverage by the local media, you get to see muhibbah spirited leaders of the ruling regime wearing ' fake ' ..(ok too strong aint it ) forced' smiles..uninterested handshakes ( you know the kind..limp hand shake )and bearing looks that just tell me that they wishthe whole farce would be over and they can get back to their own kind and get jiggy!!

Then you look around you and see empty houses left vacant by your not-same-race-with-you- neighbours, who've left for their holidays or are at the mall doing their jalan jalan and commenting for the umphteen time, how empty the streets are and driving is such a breeze, while you wait for your friends-of-the-same-race to drop by for makan at your open house D.O.

And you look at your little ones..and honestly now..ask yourself..'' IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT FOR THEM ?'' Will the congregation of races only happen during merdeka celebrations?...propagated by the ruling coalition ( coalition my skinny arse! ) will your kids only see other races feasting together during the publicity seeking party leaders rumah terbuka?

: ) yeah...we were malaysians......



Yes.., my dear friends...we WERE Malaysians...

Badawi Goes Hollywood!!

Ok.. This is like old news...yonks ago...like 3 weeks old, I remember the whole hoo haa on 916, the Anwar Ibrahim's government reform. So when the admirable ( put me to sleep!!! puhleez!!!) Badawi lays out his Budget 2009 and reads from a script ( yawn! how original and genuine) on ways to further burden the poor rakyat with his ability to screw up excrement, he just had to side track from the all important budget and throw a slanger at Pakatan led Anwar.



This was done really quite dramatically, he first took a swipe at the then intended back door take over of parliament...and then went on to say in the Queen's english " its time to stop all this and be serious, because governing is a serious matter " I must say its all nice and dandy and admirable...NOT!..This just happens to be a line from that 1995 movie, The American President, starring Kirk Douglas !! Talk about originality ..come on la Pak Lah..anyway one coincidence in that movie was that the American President had just lost his wife, so I'm thinking aloud here" .. dont send me away please...powers to be ... and a Happy Hari Raya to all Fellow Muslims..

The Definition Of Palat!!!

Of Course you cant find the word in wikipedia!! Uh..Actually, ...you can lah... But the definition is a killer man!! Too many freaking big words..Tried the Melayu wikipedia, it came out zilch!!..But if youre in your early 30s' and lived in Malaysia during your teens, there'd probably have been a period in your troubled, confused teen era, a big posibility that 'palat' was a word used in your then cool teen lingo to describe a situation, feeling, taste, movie ratings, etc etc...

Ok..assuming you were not so in, nor had a diverse childhood as i did ( not really that diverse..really ) palat was our slang for f**ked up !! ...fine , fine....twas a wee bit crude a word to fathom( embrace) .. if a situation or movie sucked big time, that moment would definitely be a palat moment'...

Ok..now that I've gotten you up to speed..oh hang on ... there was an unofficial definition of palat amongst the older/elderly malays though..."palat" would be married together with tahi or taik ( shit , dung, excrement, body waste )with the former and the latter preceeding palat and you'd have tahi/taik palat which meant the yellowish( in most cases, there were some claims of it being green though none of us who heard the claim had the balls to verify it!) squishy, funky punguent smelling discharge or collected muck beneath the fore skin of your penis!

Now that paragraph brought back many a memory pre-circumcision period, of course, of rolling back the fore-skin ( neanderthal male only...yes?) and accumulating the produce of collective 'taik palat' and squishing it between thumb and fore finger, and once neanderthal teen male is satisfied that further squishing between thumb and fore finger will not make 'taik palat' any more squishier, neanderthal teen male the proceeds to bring thumb and fore finger to sensory area ( nose yes?) and begin aroma theraphy session!..hahaha...cant stomach this huh?..Well, honest to God ! That was what we ( cave-teen-men ) used to do.. if I had not have circumcised, I'd probably still be doing it!

So moving on now...'palat' seemed to have lost its place in our less than diverse and alarmingly shrinking vocabulary, so the moment I heard the word palat again, it was quite a welcomed relief, for I had been planning to blog and was looking for a cool call sign, nickname that could be a hook in your brains and easily remembered, heck I was even prepared to create a brand, the 'palat' brand!! but, lets not go there yet..firstly had to register the name and lo and behold....name taken!! now aint that just palat!..

So as an alternative, and thanks to a certain Ms. Martin the palatlalat blogspot was conceived!

The palatlalat says ....Its Palat !! what they are doing to Raja Petra, sending him to Kamunting for 2 years and his charges are the blogs he wrote on Islam and Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. might, I reaffirm in bold MIGHT! bring plunder and mayhem( ok ok Hamid Alba said chaos and discomfort ) to Malaysian and Malaysian ( the squatter squatting chinaman and chinawoman not included so.......er ...continue squatting until further notice k ) The Legendary Raja Petra has been incarcerated for the crime of maybe, mungkin akan jadi, mana tau akan jadi....holy shit!! Ya Allah!!

I remember 5 maybe 6 years ago , I had gone to the Police Station ( swear!! I did ) to report a road bully who after I overtook and honked at , overtook me back in a Lewis Hamilton kinda manouvre ( quite neat i might say, the manouvre ) screeched to a stop almost immediately, race out of his car with a baseball bat and shouted profanities at me but had the sense not to take a swing at me or my car, which made me believe this man to be an utterly well read man( a lawyer probably) but after all that he did take a picture of poor old terrified and beleaguered me and my car and say something in this context..." I have your Car No Plate you Arse Hole ... I'll Find you tomorrow and break your face!!!...

So to the Police my predicament I relayed and...the sleepy eyed policeman just looked at me, almost amused, and said " Encik...Dia ada pukul encik ke tak? Takde kan , selagi dia tak buat apapa atau takde apapa terjadi kita pihak Polis TAK boleh buat apapa dari segi undang undang" Mintak Maaf Ya Encik"

NUFF SAID !!! Go Figure!! And To Raja Petra - Daulat Tuanku !! MY one true KING!! I'll be back yes?